Watch me live tweet the Avs game if i can find an online stream.

I know we're all hoping for this tonight.

The Avs are going into the United Center tonight facing arguably the best team in the NHL (ducks have a good argument.) and this will not be easy points. Duchene and O'Reilly are going to have to kick, punch , claw and generally say horrible things about Corey Crawford's family to have the Avs come out of Chicago with their heads held high. This needs to happen because you know Sharp and Keith are going to scare the shit out of the entire state of Colorado with every possession of the puck; oh, and they have the only human to have life more by the balls than Johnny Football, Patrick Kane. Jesus, I may just forget the live stream, pretend like I worked out and go sit in silence at Del Taco.

Like I mentioned before, I travel 90% of the time for work so I'm basically George Clooney from Up in the Air only I'm better looking and pull far more ass. (two of those statements are false...can you guess which?). 

So I will be backtracing for live feeds and tweeting about the Avs hoping Patrick WAHHH jumps the glass and gives Quenneville a black eye. Follow me on twitter. 

@denverssblog

Tallest waterslide in the world being built...in Kansas City?

Well, we've got an overachieving football team with a quarterback who can't throw more than 20 yards, an NFL coach who has been slowly consuming every living organism in his radius, and a baseball team that hasn't won anything since George Brett killed an umpire over pine tar....what can we do to get people here while forgetting how terrible of a place it really is? Then, somehow the geniuses in Kansas City, MO determined an oversized waterslide was it. Can't think of a bigger try hard city than KC. With that being said I will be first in line for this monstrosity. I don't even like water slides and roller coasters. I LOVE THEM. Can't get enough of them. Worst part is, I'm afraid of heights. Absolutely terrified of them; I had a nervous breakdown on the top of the empire state building. So I know I will be screaming like a little girl down this thing, who cares? I need to plummet down this death chute.


Side note- CORRECTION: Kansas City will be my new walking point after a Southwest plane inevitably lands at the wrong airport and leaves me stranded in Branson, MO. Not a bad walk.

Southwest plane lands at wrong airport...In the middle of Missouri

(CNN) -- A day after a Southwest Airlines jet with 124 passengers landed at the wrong airport, many are asking: How in the world could that happen?

"It's not common, but it's not unheard of," said pilot Mark Weiss, a 20-year veteran of commercial aviation who has frequently flown Boeing 737-700s, the same kind of aircraft that touched down Sunday at a small airport in Taney County, Missouri, about seven miles from where it was supposed to land at Branson Airport.

The plane stopped about 500 feet from the end of a runway at M. Graham Clark Downtown Airport, but no one was injured, said Chris Berndt, the Western Taney County Fire District fire chief and emergency management director.

"There are a lot of questions, and I suspect this is a matter of procedures not being followed, something along the long chain of everything you must do and constantly do as a pilot for safety," Weiss said.

A little background on myself, as well as being a world class Denver sports blogger I also travel constantly for my work. So I fly Southworst all the time. Its the airline for poor people, and it is a goddamn zoo. Everyone on those flights are either pissed off businessmen who couldnt get a delta flight, families who have a baby that isn't happy to be on this flight and needs everyone to hear her shreik. Every stewardess thinks shes a stand up comedian or Mariah Carey, and you have to sit through this shit because you forgot a battery for your headphones. Absolutely brutal. Some of the worst moments in my life have been dealing with this abortion of an airline. But if I had to deal with all that shit AND end up in some random airport in the middle of Missouri unexpectedly I'd lose every last semblance of my mind. be too much to handle, I'd legit quit my job and walk home Forrest Gump style. 

Sidenote- Despite dealing with the scum of civilization and obnoxious stewardesses its still hands down the best airline. THAT is how shitty flying is.

There is a Hot Dog Bomber on the loose in Ken Caryl, and I for one am terrified

Denver Post - Suspect yells "hot dog," throws one. On Dec. 26, an employee of Subway, 11757 W. Ken Caryl Ave., Ken-Caryl, told Jefferson County Sheriff's deputies that he was in the store when a man came in and yelled what he thought was, "Hot dog!" The suspect then threw what appeared to be a hot dog at the victim. The victim said he told police just in case it happened someplace else

Crime of the century here everyone. There is a derranged mad man throwing delicious meats at people in Ken Caryl. Some would call this a blessing but I would have to say this would most certainly result in me calling it a day. Call into work "Yeah I was assaulted at subway at lunch today, think I'm going to need the rest of the day to eat Ellio's and watch princess bride while i contemplate how my life got to this place." Reminds me of the Chappelle stand up about how taking a busted nut from a homeless dude won't kill you but it will certainly fuck up your day. The same has to be true here. There you are contemplating how to actually get through the day and not kill yourself in your cube. Trying to enjoy your Janu-any spicy italian and you take a cold mystery meat right off the dome. I'd be lying if I said I had it in me to finish my day at that point. 

Chris Harris tears ACL, out remainder of playoffs, excuse me while i go slam my head in the car door.

What a ferocious kick in the dick to start my monday, Jesus Christ. From the highest of the highs to the lowest of the well pretty low; Broncos are still playing for the AFC championship. Now this Denver defense has been the center of criticism for a while and rightfully so, but Chris Harris was one of the only beacons of consistency on a defense that is injury prone and old as hell (sorry Champ). He wasn't a shut down corner of the freaks like megatron or AJ Green but he was perfect for the smaller guys who could make a lot of noise like Amendola and Edelman. With Quentin Jammer looking like he was lost yesterday this does not bode well for the boys in Orange.

Is this the end of the world? No, we still have a qb who threw for almost 6000 yards and 55 TDs in a season and an offense that can erupt for almost 50 pts any given night but it does scare me because you know the king of darkness and his well dressed boy prince will be looking to take advantage of this.

Fuck its 1:30 and i already need a drink.

Two Chargers fan thugs beat on a broncos fan and I still laughed.

So this has been circulating around social media for the past few minutes and I know I should all up in arms about two chargers scum bags beating on a broncos fan but the fact of the matter is that this was hilarious. I actually laughed out loud when that speeding orange bowling ball came in hot trying to throw absolute haymakers. Not even sure how these chargers fans managed to curb stomp the hell out of this guy without dying of absolute laughter first. Feel like i just watched Stanley from the Office get his ass handed to him. Cops being real Johnny on the spot by only allowing our friend Stanley to take 5 kicks to the skull before pulling the Chargers thugs off of him.

Broncos vs Bolts time to ride

The time is nearly here and I'm so nervous I could puke. Couldn't have the scaries  more to be playing a team in the first round than the San Diego Bolos.

Check out my twitter I'll be live tweeting and generally making an ass of myself.

@Denverssblog

Go Broncos!