Gross Eastern European Chick has 9 pounds of HAIR removed from stomach

Huffington Post-A 18-year-old girl in Batken, Kyrgyzstan went through a hair-raising medical procedure in order to have a nine-pound hairball removed from her stomach.

Ayperi Alekseeva was admitted into a hospital recently after she complained of stomach pains so severe that she was unable to eat anything, or even drink water.

X-rays revealed the hairy blockage and realized they needed to operate quickly.

Bebezov said the hairball formed in Alekseeva's stomach because she had a nasty habit of picking up hair from the carpet and eating it and also chewing the tips of her hair.

"In fact her stomach was so badly swollen from hair and bits of wool from the carpet that it literally just oozed out as soon as the wall of the stomach was cut," Bebezov said according to the Telegraph.

After going through the ordeal of major surgery, Alekseeva has promised her hair-eating days are over.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/01/ayperi-alekseeva_n_5914438.html

       Okay first off, FUCKING EW. So the first article I read on this started the article saying she had a habit of chewing the tips of her hair as the first statement, and I thought, well thats disgusting but I've seen girls with this same habit and maybe its a snowball effect of 15+ years of hair chewing and occasionally swallowing a straggler. Then they hit you with a 95 MPH fastball to Giancarlo Stanton's face with how she used to pick up hair off the FLOOR and eat it. Then I threw up everywhere, I had no choice, that is the Webster, Oxford and Merriam Dictionary definition of revolting. I went from 'oh what an unfortunate and disgusting thing to happen from a gross but sort of common habit' to 'this girl should be on death row with serial killers and rapists.' Having a hair in your mouth is one of the grossest feelings in the world, actively going out of your way to pick it off of the ground in your mud hut and consuming it is a level of insane that is on par with like Ted Bundy and Gary Busey. Just take a proactive measure and lock her in one of your haunted Transylvanian prisons.

         The link above has an actual picture of what was removed, and because I care about other people's feelings I will save every one the atrocity. But I can tell you this, I'd rather have a live fucking animal removed from inside my nut sack than have them pull Cousin It out of me. This girl may need the death penalty, and I'm only half kidding.

Sidenote- When they say she lived in Kyrgyoogahboogahbergaloogerstan I totally pictured this as the neighborhood she lives in.

Bratislava!

Bronco's shit their 2nd half pants again (still win), also addressing this Phil Simms Petition thing

         Another Sunday and another week going by of Peyton Manning's forehead and the boys looking like the best team in the NFL in the first half then pulling their best disappearing act in the 2nd half. 1st half had Alex Smith reeling, the defense getting good pressure, secondary not blowing coverages, Offense looking like the record breaking offense of last year even with out Decker and Welker. Good times.

        Then that gigantic red volkswagon sized mass known as Andy Reid pulled the best possible strategy a clearly less talented team can do to try to pull off a win against the orange. Basically pound the running game and take as much time off the game clock  as possible, and the Chiefs did this to perfection. Nearly pulling off a win they had 0 business being close to winning. So is this panic time? Absolutely not, the team is still 2-0, getting Welker back with a healthy defense and O line. But there should certainly be concern over the disappearing act the offense likes to do in 2nd half of games, letting some breathing room to opposing teams and the defense's inability to get off the field late in games. This is seemingly just knit picking for a team I still believe is going 13-3 and winning the AFC.

Side note- Peyton straight laying into Julius Thomas was AWESOME to watch. You know Peyton has a temper that he clearly has kept in check for his 19 year career with an almost robotic precision. So seeing a human side to the touchdown machine is actually a pretty welcome relief. The all too clear 'I DON'T GIVE A FUCK' he retorted to Thomas makes me laugh out loud every time I watch the gif. But hey Peyton, Thomas is currently looking like the best TE in the NFL with 4 TDs already, I'm sure there is someone more deserving of ferocious southern drawled FUCKs dropped in their face.

L

Love it.

Okay onto the nasty business. I didn't want to have to write about this but this is fucking downright inexcusable. A petition signed by 20,000 fans to not have Phil Simms broadcast their game because 'he's biased against the Broncos.' Have you morons ever heard Phil broadcast a Giants game? He spits absolute VENOM at the Giants and thats his old team. So shouldn't this be a hint that if he's shitting on the team he won 2 superbowls with that hes just an equal oppurtunity hater. This is what happens when a fanbase gets complacent with the team on the field and has to find new shit to complain about. Its spoiled fan garbage that we're better than. Its the type of trash dickhead New England fans were complaining about 12+ years ago when they were cheating and winning superbowls with their now washed up ugg boots model. Don't be that way, no one likes that fan base. Instead enjoy however long we have with what may be the best QB ever because it certainly won't last forever.

Welker gets suspended for popping molly at the Kentucky Derby.

I'M BACK BABY


So we all know now how Welker got suspended  for 4 games for use of 'Amphetamines' during the Kentucky Derby. As we can see from the picture above, my boy was ROLLIN, handing out fat stacks of cash and having himself a fucking time. So that should be that right? You went out and got caught for popping molly while you're rubbing elbows with the celebs, dressing like a midget mix of Tony Montana and Hunter S Thompson and pounding mint juleps. Take the 4 games; shut up, and let the fact that you're basically actively NFL royalty carry you through this and let it blow over. Oh, no. Thats not how Wes rolls (pun intended). He's saying he isn't a drug user and how he doesn't even know what 'a molly' is. That he doesn't do marijuana, that his drink must have been drugged. Gimme a fucking break man. Look at that picture. Look at it. If thats not someone rollin HARD after winning big at the Derby then I will shit a whole live chicken. Not fooling anyone Wesley, you may be the best slot receiver in the game but the gift of lying and backtracking do not come with that skill set.

Silver lining of this is Wes has gotten 3 concussions in the past 10 months. He was trying to come back for week 1, now he has to at least take a month. He's lucky hes not spitting up spoon fed smushed peaches and apricots, never mind trying to go back out and play easily the most dangerous position in sports. Either way, yours truly drafted Emmanual Sanders who is taking over in the slot. CHA.......CHING.

Side note- So every year a bunch of my friends all fly down for a long weekend down to Ft. Lauderdale to my family's condo for a few days of boozin and golf. Two of my friends got in on an earlier flight, noticed at baggage claim that Mr Welker was on the flight with them. He clearly was just trying to grab his bags and be off, not be bothered, so they didn't approach him. Wes' bag comes and as hes leaving, one of my friends says to him 'Bye Wes Welker.' Welker clearly a little bewildered, turns, gives him half a wave and scurries off. So yeah Welker and I are practically besties by 1 degree of separation. Can't make this stuff up.

Nuggets officially out of Playoff contention

No Playoffs=TANK SEASON!

So today was it. Timmy D and the boys finally put the final nail in the coffin on this putrid season for the Nuggs that saw Galinari and McGee go down for the season, Lawson missing 20+ games and an overall awful feeling that this team is stuck in purgatory. That not quite good enough for the playoffs, but also no where near as bad as the Bucks/6ers of the world to pick up a Jabari Parker and Andrew Wiggins. So what are the Nuggs going to do? They clearly have a ceiling on their talent, but with players like Lawson and Galinari and a relatively deep bench they can only get so bad where they miss out on any reasonable shot at winning the lottery or even being a part of it for that matter. So what comes next?

TANK!!! Mile High needs to tank as long and as hard as possible in the remaining 18 games. A nice 4-14 to finish off the year won't win them a top draft pick but possibly a Marcus Smart, Doug Mcdermott, That australian dude everyone loses their mind over...you know a possible 10 seed. A shooting guard is a must and if they can somehow land Marcus Smart or someone of a little less talent it would certainly fill a void at the spot currently being filled by Randy Foye. So let Faried take threes, let Mozgov get money shots nightly on national television by high flyers, let Randy Foye and JJ Hickson take 40 combined shots a night and let Wilson Chandler continue to wander around the post like a child lost in Wal mart. Tanking is that house party down the street thats way too loud and all the mini van moms are smashed on yellowtail while singing Hall & Oates and the Nuggs just showed up to carry the chorus of 'You Make My Dreams Come True.'

John Elway on absolute warpath, signs anything that moves in free agency

Yes, I know this is late (really late). Yes, I know that March Madness is going on and no one cares about football. But I would simply be failing at bringing you my own take on Denver Sports take if I didn't write about this. So in the span of 48 hours the Broncos VASTLY improved the side of the ball that was clearly lacking. Picking up Demarcus Ware, Aquib Talib and TJ Ward. Ward and Talib especially will improve a secondary that just lost DRC to the G men and cutting Champ Bailey (still crying myself to sleep). Talib on opposite side of the field as Chris Harris is one hell of a cornerback tandem. But the biggest signing is without a doubt when Jerry Jones decided to be Jerry Jones (egotistic, brash, over reacting, stupid, moronic, insane, senile, etc.) and cut Demarcus Ware. D Ware decided he wanted to play for a winner and Mr. Elway was more than happy to give him an orange jersey. Yes, i know last year was less than spectacular for Ware but you can't deny the presence and pressure he puts on an offense. 

Clearly we can all agree Elway went Atila the Hun and raped and pillaged the free agency for all its worth with their limited cap space. The original Johnny Football knows Peyton has way too many miles and the Broncs need to win and they need to win now. Gonna be fucked in 3 years time but for now...WOOOOOOOO!!

Can we talk about how much better the Nuggs are with Ty Lawson for a hot second?

In all seriousness, is this even the same team without him? While Lawson was out on injury this team looked as though a few college teams could have taken them down. Faried looked lost in the post, Wilson Chandler seemed to not know his ass from his elbow and the Nuggs were getting straight decimated on a nightly basis. Then Lawson comes back last night and they take it to the Mavs. Mind bottling. Now Dirk still slang his German Schnitzel all over the Pepsi Center and Chandler defended him like he had a flu/aids super virus. Just redefining the soft defense game. But lets not get off topic. This team scores 10 more points a game and give up 5 less with Lawson on the floor. Thats flat STAGGERING. They got a big win last night which at this point you almost don't need because they are not going to the playoffs and this attempt at stopping the full fledged tank job is futile.

Lawson is undoubtedly going to be the face of this franchise going forward, but hey take a break bud? No need to win more than necessary here. Nuggets are a late addition to the Parker/wiggins/smart/embiid/mcdermott/ randle etc etc etc lottery and losing is whats hot in the streets right now. Love your game but lets take a hard pass on this season, get healthy in the offseason and get back at it next season (I'm talking to you Danilio.)

We Made a Podcast! Watch it!

Well my tablet decided in the first 15 minutes it hates the world and threw a hissy fit. Also, my voice is annoying as FUCK jesus christ that was brutal. Either way Mike and Jordan stole the show and carried my ugly voice through 69 minutes of banter about nonsense. WATCH IT. We're obviously new at this and got off topic a few times but otherwise i thought it went pretty well. excited to do the next one. Stay tuned.

Pregnant Mother drives her 3 children....right into the ocean

NBC NEWS-A pregnant woman who drove her minivan into the ocean in Florida, endangering her three children until rescuers charged into the water and pulled them to safety, was undergoing a mental health evaluation Wednesday, authorities said.

The three children — two girls and a boy, one of them a toddler in a booster seat — were taken to a hospital and weren't seriously hurt, the Volusia County Sheriff's Office said. The state took temporary custody of the children.

Video shot by a bystander of the episode, which occurred about 4:56 p.m. ET Tuesday at Daytona Beach, shows the minivan bobbing in heavy surf while rescuers frantically try to pull the children out through the hatchback and the driver-side door.

One rescuer, Tim Tesseneer of Rutherfordton, N.C., told NBC station WESH of Orlando that the kids were screaming that their mother was trying to kill them.

"The two in the back seat was crying, with their arms out, saying: 'Our mommy's trying to kill us. Please help,'" Tesseneer told the station.

When I first read this story I really wanted to make the typical 'women can't drive' Jokes. you know, cause she drove her minivan straight into the ocean. Then I realized she was trying to end it all by trying to drive to Portugal. Now before I get into this, this bag of nuts deserves to lose her kids and be thrown in jail trying to drown them. But like Chris Rock so famously said "I'm not saying he should have killed her, but I understand." Same applies here. Woman is straight looney tunes but I understand. Two toddler girls and a little boy in a car seat. Little Suzy and Sally probably bitching over who has cooler band aids and which of their half haired barbies are prettier while little Timmy is screaming his lungs out, shitting his pants, just having himself a fuckin time. All this because her dick head redneck baby daddy couldn't keep his rural summer sausage in its pen. AND she has another bun in the oven... FUCK THAT. I will cordially pass. 

One thing I have always said to myself is if I find myself as a fat, balding 30 something year old who has 2-3 kids who hate my guts and a job I FUCKING hate, and have to drive a horrifying minivan I won't think twice about just offing myself on the spot. That rolling tampon on wheels with half a horse power will undoubtedly be the straw that breaks the camel's back. I'm sure the exact same thing happened here. Bitch knew her life was in the pits and thought the only out was submarining her Honda Odyssey. Sad really.

That iCarly Bitch dumps Andre Drummond and awesome photos of her leaks.

Jennette opened up about her awkward and short-lived relationship with Detroit Pistons star Andre Drummond, stating it was a major lack of chemistry that made her pull the breakup card.

Reminding us that sometimes it’s better to just say no from the start, iCarlystar Jennette McCurdy has spoken out about how she only agreed to date ex-boyfriend Andre Drummond because he was so persistent. Unfortunately, she also admitted that their first kiss was nothing short of terrible. Gross!

Why Jennette McCurdy Said Bye To Andre Drummond

We all know how attention from a guy can cloud our vision and make us think we have feelings that aren’t really there. And well, it seems like that is exactly what happened to 21-year-old Jennette when she agreed to go out with the Detroit Pistons player.

Hey Jennette, quick question for you toots. Have you ever done something then immediately realized it was 1000% the wrong thing to do? Like your life is forever going to be different because of this decision and not in a good way. If you didn't realize instantly after dumping AD that it was the biggest mistake of your life then you are a certified dumb C-U Next Tuesday. No not because these photos leaked, BECAUSE YOU JUST DUMPED ANDRE DRUMMOND. you're on the wrong side of twenty after a child star career. You've got some goods but they're not that good. I wouldn't bat an eye to read about you giving dry handjobs behind a hooters for another hit of those delicious nose clams in three years. You're on the McCully Caulkin track which ends in 'supposedly' not getting butt fucked by Michael Jackson. Not a good look.

But why you ask? why stay with someone who is a bad kisser and didnt have any sparks? Why not stay with someone you dont feel any love for?

Thats why. That is Bill Simmons coming himself to death over the prospect of Andre Drummond. So hes a good basketball player? so what? NO he had 26 boards last night. He tied the Pistons franchise record for season double doubles. and to top it all off HES TWENTY. Hes a year younger than your washed up ass and hes going to make STUPID money. So hes 7 feet and probably has a monster hog, whatever, catch a stabbing every once in a while and live the absolute FAT life, he'll be making more money than your stupid ass could probably spend in 4 lifetimes. 

Sidenote- no girl sends these to a guy she only dates for a week. FACT.

Nice work though.

Dr. Says that dogs feel no shame

Behaviorists: Dogs feel no shame despite "the look"

By Sue Manning
The Associated Press

POSTED:   03/01/2014 12:01:00 AM MST

In late 2011, Jeremy Lakaszcyck of Boston started putting shaming videos of his beegle Maymo on YouTube. Behaviorists insist dogs lack shame. (Jeremy Lakaszcyck, The Associated Press)

The next time you start shaking your finger and shouting, "Shame on you!" because your dog chewed up your favorite fuzzy slippers, just remember that no matter how guilty your dog looks, it doesn't know what your rant is about.

Behaviorists insist dogs lack shame. The guilty look — head cowered, ears back — is a reaction to the tantrum you are throwing now over the damage they did hours earlier.

"Just get over it and remind yourself not to put temptation in the way next time," said Dr. Bonnie Beaver, a professor at Texas A&M University's College of Veterinary Medicine and executive director of the American College of Veterinary Behaviorists.

Read more: Behaviorists: Dogs feel no shame despite "the look" - The Denver Post http://www.denverpost.com/homegarden/ci_25251081/behaviorists-dogs-feel-no-shame-despite-look#ixzz2ukfDRktL
Read The Denver Post's Terms of Use of its content: http://www.denverpost.com/termsofuse
Follow us: @Denverpost on Twitter | Denverpost on Facebook

I'M BACK BABY!


First things first, Sue Manning, is a cat person to the highest degree. Not just a cat person, but a wrong cat person. Who does this broad think she is? Of course dogs feel shame, and compassion and love. What do your 16 cats in your 1 bedroom apartment feel? Evil and what precious item they're going to piss and puke all over next. Think about that next time you're eating your bologna and kitty litter sandwich on rye being nothing short of the 'crazy cat lady'

Next, lets get onto to Dr. Bonnie Beaver (HA!) trying to give her 'science' saying its a reaction to you throwing a tantrum not to what they did. Yeah whatever you fake porn name having doctor. Shame is shame and that dog feels shame for you being upset whether or not they care about the slipper they chewed up and humped into bolivian. Bet you're the faculty that was against Johnny Football having college station by the balls for 2 straight years.

PS if you don't think the dog in that picture is anything short of intolerably adorable...you have a gigantic dump right in your pants.

If you honestly believe this 'Super Fan' didn't drop an N bomb, you are an idiot of legendary proportions.

Yes, i know this is late. No, I don't care. I work a real job and have had a secondary job watching all the figure skating, uh i mean hockey, as possible in Sochi. So I've been busy. But heres what i know. Jeff Orr the Texas Tech 'Super Fan' dropped an N bomb on Marcus Smart with the hardest R you've ever heard. Super fan basically translates to he donates a proverbial shit ton of money to the University so Texas Tech lets him sit in the front row of games and be a total racist bigot shithead. Really progressing society down there in Lubbock. Yes, I know Jeff said he called Marcus 'a piece of crap.' You know what Jeff? Your story is a piece of crap cause you and I and everyone else knows you were dropping N grenades up and down that game.

Let me tell you how I know he dropped such a terrible word at a 19 year old playing basketball. I have been to Lubbock, TX. And there are two things there: nothing, and racism. A cow fart is the entertainment of the evening up there, prejudice and stereotype on Texans grows, festers and eventually becomes a toothless moron with a confederate flag on one end and Texas flag on the other of his Ford F6000 in Lubbock, TX. So I would be beyond blown away if he didn't throw N word haymakers all game long. Jeff you volunteered to not attend anymore TT games for the rest of the season? Can you volunteer to put your shotgun in your mouth while you're at it? Such a shame an awesome school like TT has to be in such a horrible place.

Sidenote- Jeff you're a real winner being a 50 year old calling a 19 year old piece of crap 'cause he plays for those fuckin cowboys.' Go eat a bowl of glass shards.

Michael Sam to be first active gay NFL player.....Yawn.

So unless you've been living under a rock with your eyes gouged out and deaf, you've heard the future draft pick from Missouri, Michael Sam came out of the closet and will become the first openly gay NFL player, and I for one, think this is a total snorefest. Don't get me wrong, this is an unbelievable thing and his gay man balls are so much bigger than my straight ones ever will be, this guy is doing something HUGE. But he is a projected 3rd-5th round pick....thats a back up. Jason Collins was the first and he was the most boring space filler of a big man it was almost a let down at how bad the first openly gay professional athlete was. The same here with Michael here, guy is going to be a back up D end. This does nothing for me. I want a fucking rockstar of a gay. A fabulous MJ, Gretzky with a fashion sense. I want this queer transcendent  to be as gay as he is a freak athlete. I'm talking Freddy Mercury posterizing the fuck out of Dwight Howard, I want Elton John in a peacock outfit banging 65 Homers a year; Liberace having his own Candleabra blaring after he nets a hat trick right in Tuuka Rask's eyeball.

Because nothing, and i mean NOTHING would be more intimidating and prejudice killing than a gay Ray Lewis type monster. Dude who loves blowing up dudes over the middle as much as he does spooning them at night. I would love this more than probably anything I could witness in sports, because every backwards, ignorant, red neck shit head would lose his god damn mind if he had to deal with a fruity AP running it down 'Bama's throat for 200+ yards. I need this to happen and I need it yesterday.

The gays are so hot right now, and I'm pumped about it.

Check out this old bag who is a 96 year old celebrity painter.

Denver Post-"From the beginning, I had prayed this wouldn't be just a hobby, something to occupy my time, but a way to glorify God and I never dreamt this," said Barron, who's lived at the retirement community Vi in Highlands Ranch for five years. "I think all the publicity I had is his way of getting glory from it because that was my aim."

Barron has been a celebrity at the retirement community, where she lives in independent living. Two years ago, she decided to take an art appreciation class at Vi because that's something she hadn't done. She discovered that not only could she paint, but she was pretty good at it.

Jean Barron, 96, paints a picture of the Maroon Bells Jan. 31, 2014, at the Vi senior living community in Highlands Ranch. (Anya Semenoff, YourHub)

While she was painting the first of the 40 pieces she's done, she didn't think her work looked very good. But when she was done, she stood back and said she didn't think it was bad for a beginner. She said she's surprised by all this.

She said it became a passion after the second or third painting, and her art teacher was so impressed she started showing her pieces in the community newsletter.

My girl Jean! painting nature, breaking hearts and snappin dicks at 96. Girl has it all, artistic, church going girl, gets you senior discounts left and right. Goes to bed at sunset. Sounds perfect. Lets not be fooled by the so called 'age.' 96 is the new 72. Practically a post grad. You know shes rocking Matlock watching old man weiner like you read about. This Bob Ross skank has me convinced now, more than ever that I need to marry into money. Hot, old , artistic money. I'd be living that pampered life like Chappelle when he married Oprah. You think I'm above being a stay at home 'dad'? (can't have kids with a 96 year old, don't be gross.) I'm above being a stay at home dad like I'm above watching the muppets movies on repeat. (i'm not). So Jean, put your dancin' teeth in. You and I are going to hit the town at 3 PM at the Country Kitchen Buffet and let it go like its 1899. 

I see people painting these absurdly detailed nature pictures while I sit here blogging in my underpants and contemplate working out. Makes me think maybe I could have done more.....nah fuck that.

A fate worse than death, I had to work in Washington state all this week.

Yes, i know this is late. Fuck you I had to sit through that embarassment. its taken me this long to get over what I witnessed on Sunday. Manny snapping the ball directly into The Forehead's forehead for a starting safety. Percy Harvin coming back from injury to return it for a touchdown. God I feel sick just thinking about all of it. This was an ass whooping of epic proportions. To be totally honest, I thought the Seahawks would win, I did. I NEVER thought it would be a damn prison rape scene out of OZ, Christ almighty. They were bigger, faster and stronger on every side of the ball from the first snap. Didn't help with the starting safety, Denver was playing on its heels right from the start. 

The worst part was of course I have to spend the entire week in Washington state and watch all these smug shit fans talk about Russel Wilson like hes the second coming. Hey morons, He was basically Roethlisberger with his first superbowl. He basically had to show up. The blue and green is damn offensive enough to make me puke. This town is hot garbage and so is this state. I need to get back to Denver. 

Side note- at least the Avs are dominating....nope nevermind they've gotten destroyed twice in a row. Going for a walk in traffic.

Check out this can of nuts who thinks Jesus is a bruise on her toes.

Link Here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/29/paula-osuna-jesus-toe-bruise_n_4690623.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003

Huff Post-She believes in the Father, Son and the Holy Toes.

Paula Osuna, of Silver City, N.M., claims that the image of Jesus appeared to her in a bruise on her toe, KRQE reports.

Osuna's foot was thoroughly bruised last weekend, when she fell down the stairs, according to the Christian Post. A few days later, she asked her fiance, http://www.elsantuariodechimayo.us/Santuario/HolyDirt.html, to rub some holy dirt -- which he had saved from a pilgrimage to the Catholic shrine in Chimayo -- on her foot.

She bandaged the foot over the dirt, and the next day, when she took the bandages off, her family members pointed out that one of her bruises had taken on the shape of Jesus Christ.

Okay, before I bring this pig to the slaughter, Huffington Post that pun was gross. It was so bad I didn't even laugh, and I LOVE puns. Father, Son and Holy Toes. Holy Moly thats beyond atrocious. Step your pun game up or get out of it altogether because thats inexcusable.

So it seems like every few weeks some new zealot is seeing the son of god poking his glorious facial hair on a piece of toast, in the snow or the newest one, on some whale's toes. Newsflash idiots, a guy who can turn water into wine isn't going to waste his time making his lettuce appear on some sausage toes for some bitch who just finished her 2nd #3 from Whataburger and washed it down with a side of high cholesterol. He's got pussy-getting wet skills like you read about, so theres no reason for him to force himself out in the overly tolerant bible-belt.  I'll be honest I think the shroud of Turin is a stretch, nevermind this hog's piggies who went to market having Hey seuss's smug mug bruised into it. 

Side note- is there anything, and I mean anything worse than stubbing your toes? The worst collective minute and a half of your life with be a collection of post 5 second toe stubbing. Rather lop a finger off at the root than stub a bare foot on an immovable object. 

Check out this jerk off who paid his tuition in dollar bills

Denver Post- University of Utah student Luq Mughal paid his tuition bill Tuesday with 2,000 single dollar bills as a protest against rising tuition rates.

Mughal said he spends his weekends working to pay for college — after a week of 12-hour days studying electrical engineering. Even though the 21-year-old gets a discount because his father is a member of the faculty, the cost of tuition plus fees, books and living expenses is crushing.

“By no means am I the saddest story on campus. There's a lot of people here just as bad and probably worse,” he said. “The people making the prices are not actually aware of how hard it is on the students.”

He's hoping to send a message with the cash, which he collected from several banks, and that more students join him next year.

So before I go off on Luq with a q for being a total jerk off, let me say from someone being crippled by student loans, anything to make a college realize how shitty they are for legally stealing from kids I'll get behind. My school was $48,000 A YEAR my senior year. I just shit my pants and screamed at the same time rereading that statement. Greatest time of my life, still shouldn't cause almost 50 g's. GAH.

Alright Luq....Luke? Luck? Go pound sand you intolerable dick. Your father works for  U Utah. You're protesting  something you're receiving for 80% off. You know who else does that? Assholes, thats who. You're paying 20% of a state school tuition. So I'm assuming all said and done college costs you like AT MOST 8 grand a year. God I hate you you weird-name spelling turd. I hope the lady at the bursar throws a brick at your head.

Speaking of which if you're that fat, miserable middle aged woman working at the bursar (Pretty sure thats the 4 requirements to get hired at a university bursar.) Do you just straight up quit when you realize you have to count this shit out? The next 3 hours of your life are going to be spent counting out dollar bill after dollar bill because Don in maintenance's son had to be such little dick and pay for school this way. You either quit on the spot or somehow make sure Don's check gets lost in the mail the next few weeks. 

Oh look Frontier airlines is fucking their customers again. What a surprise.

Pop quiz hot shot. Whats the worst airline in the history of airlines? Wrong, its Frontier. Oh wait? You guessed that. Not too difficult when they suck an amount that becomes impressive. I flew them for the first time this week. Total shit show. Terminal was over crowded and smelled like hot wet ass, they charge not only for checked bags (Southworst for the win). THEY FUCKING CHARGE FOR CARRY ON. Let that sink in. To use our public space you have to throw us a Jackson cause we're greedy ass bags. Then they give you about 20 directtv channels to watch, not bad right? A little Jet Blue action you think...Wrong fuck face they're gonna try to hit you up for another $5 just to watch anything. But don't worry, if you don't want to shell out the money they'll let you stare at a blank screen just taunting you.

So this comes as no surprise that they are hate fucking their customer for more cash. I think the biggest surprise here should be that they actually have people who qualify for this rewards program. What the hell is wrong with these people? Have you ever flown another airline? Like literally anything else? Cause at this point I'd rather take a hot air balloon to get me places than fly this dumpster fire of an airline.

Lastly, how dare they put pictures of adorable animals all over their planes. Look at that fox, hes cute as shit. I'm here squeaming and squealing like a middle school girl over how god damn cute that thing is. But now its ruined because this adorable little bastard is hiding the filth and greed that is this sham of an airline.

I have NEVER wanted a player to have a big game more than I want DT to have one against Richard Sherman.

Fuck this guy.

       Alright, let me start off by not selling Richard Sherman short. This guy is incredible. Hands down the best CB in the NFL, shut down to the point of being reminiscent of Revis from 3-4 years ago. Dude can flat out play. Having said that FUCK THIS ASSHOLE. Look, I love when players are cocky and they can back it up, its incredible, someone who can talk jive and show everyone why they're talking that way. But this shithead takes it to a new level of asshole I didn't think was possible. Slaps Crabtree's ass and gives him the choke sign? Dude is lucky he wasn't playing back in the 80s against anyone from the U. Michael Irvin would have whipped out a blade he had been hiding and give this dick a haircut right on the field. Then, poor gorgeous Erin Andrews tries to have a nice civil interview with him and hes spouting off like Muhammad Ali before a Frazier fight. Saying he's the best in the league and Crabtree is weak. Bro, little hint here....you haven't won shit yet. You want to do this after you take home the Lombardi trophy? Go ahead. But you made it to the superbowl, congratulations. Kerry Collins lead a team to the superbowl on a 4 year black out...chill your shit.

Which is why I don't want, I NEED Demaryius Thomas to have a UUUUGGGGEEE game. I mean Megatron vs. the Cowgirls uge. Need him to put up monster numbers why Sherman sits there so beside himself he can't even put words together (I know he has a hard enough time with that as it is.) All this needs to happen or Denver needs to run a #83 special on his stupid ass.

Sidenote- 

Jesus Christ, Iggy. You must HATE this dude. 

Game day. TIME TO RIDE

Game day has finally come, and arguably the greatest QB rivalry ever is happening once again on the 2nd biggest stage. I know history has favored pretty boy Tommy 'Uggs' Brady at a gross 4-9 against Peyton. But they're coming into Mile High today...and it is GORGEOUS out almost 60 degrees, totally sunny, no wind. A one glove day for Peyton. I'd like to think the Denver offense is going to be just too much for the Pats to handle and they can hopefully run it right down their throats; but i have my concerns. I've seen too many well thought out game plans by Bilichick to think he is going to let this game come down to which team has more talent on their roster. Pats have been power running like its the 1970s to get to this point but I feel like with Chris Harris out for the season (fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck) and a depleted secondary where its going to be up to a rusty Quentin Jammer and 125 year old Champ Bailey to stop the aerial attack of Tommy boy.

This game should get interesting. Final Score DEN:34 NE:31

DIA sues RTD over lightrail to airport project

Denver Post-A $53 million contract dispute between Denver International Airport and the Regional Transportation District over the costs of bringing passenger trains to the airport has escalated into a court battle.

DIA filed suit after getting what it considered an unfavorable ruling from a hearing officer. Hoping to recover the full amount, DIA has excluded the entire $53 million from its cost estimates for its terminal redevelopment project, which is already more than $40 million over budget.

The dispute centers on the last stretch of RTD's East Rail Line, which ends at the airport. The airport and the transit system disagree about who should pay how much for a long list of items along that stretch: excavation, roads, bridges, walls, drainage and the train station platform.

For DIA, a victory in court is critical to a project budget that has already grown from $500 million to $544 million.

I bet you think you know where I'm going with this. You think i'm going to say who cares? public transportation is for poor people anyway, why would a world class denver sports blogger like myself need the three ring circus that is public transport? And most of the time you would be right. Because the worst type of human beings use public transit. Usually you are lucky if you ride and don't get stabbed by anything from a hypodermic needle to homeless bum's crank shaft.Its an absolute bloodbath of uncomfortable to downright dangerous situations.

 But this is the line to the airport. The one line i actually care about getting built. Do you know how far away DIA is from Denver? its practically in Missouri (yes I skipped all of Nebraska, its that far away), a huge time investment just to drive there out in the middle of the plains. The wind gusts about half the speed of sound and you're afraid its going to flip your car the whole time. Absolutely brutal. Last week i hit a tumbleweed, a fucking tumbleweed. Think about that for a second. It was my jeep vs the tumbleweed coming at my car like Von Miller on meth and its safe to say that tumbleweed won. So if I can throw some headphones on and leave it up to someone else to get me there. I'll take the possible homeless/ naked crazy people/ catastrophic train accident to be able to be that little bit more lazy. Its that much of a problem in my life. 

Chicago man asked by police to stop shooting down icicles off his house with a revolver.

Exact sketch of aforementioned man.

Huffington Post- A suburban Chicago man's unconventional method of removing icicles from his house attracted some unwanted attention from a neighbor and, ultimately, police, last Friday.

As United Press International reports, the 80-year-old from St. Charles, Ill. was trying to remove the icicles from the second floor of his home by shooting them down from his bathroom window with a .22-caliber revolver.

A neighbor whose dog was frightened by the gunfire called Kane County police, who responded to the Friday incident and advised the man to try a bullet-free alternative like a broomstick handle instead, the Kane County Chronicle reports.

“He stated that if anybody was hit by the falling round, it would be just like getting hit with a piece of hail,” police said, noting the man argued his icicle removal method was safe since he was pointing the shots upward and not at anyone.

You ever get a feeling that the elderly are only being kept around for their sheer senility and entertainment value? I can't see how a person like this is left alone to his own devices to eventually be caught removing icicles from his house in the only practical manner available.... a .22 revolver, obviously. I love his response of 'the falling round would feel like getting hit with a piece of hail.' basically saying stop being such a pussy and let me get back to shooting inanimate objects off of my house. 

Guarantee you this is the same type of grandfather that drinks a bit too much Jim Beam, gets his grandkid's names wrong and occasionally shows up to thanksgiving dinner without pants on. You know, the best type of grandfather. Gets a little too dicey talking about ' Those japs back in dubya dubya two.' No magnum PI and a glass of warm milk for this old bastard, Those jerkoff icicles are back again and hes there to show them once and for all who's the king of his Chicago suburbia home. 

Side note- I feel like Chicago has regressed into an arctic thunderdome, People just beating back Old man winter with a good old fashioned hand gun.

Justin Bieber may have the world by the balls....but his fans have lost any grip with reality.

Link: http://www.hlntv.com/article/2014/01/15/bieber-justin-egg-house-police-raid-tweets?hpt=hp_t3

So these coming up are some of the more ridiculous Bieber tweets after his egg and nose clam induced run in with the law. I'd say our country is in horrible shape if this is our future, but then again in the last month I drank whiskey sours till I puked playing Marvel Vs Capcom 2 on original xbox.....so you know people in glass houses and what not.

Alright, lets start with the name...Justinsbaby69. not even that Justinsbby69 meaning someone already has the proper spelling. Jesus Christ. He looks like a prepubescent 8th grader trying to hide NRBs in 4th period language arts...and you want to 69 him. Secondly, IS YOUR CAPS LOCK BROKEN...my ears hurt reading this and I'm sitting in silence. the Biebs doesn't need you, He needs Keyshawn Johnson rolling up in his Prius and PJs to yell at him about speeding more than he needs a psychopath like you. Find a new hobby.

I'm not twitter expert but I dont think those are going to trend toots. By the way that name is: this bitch loves datt? what the fuck is that? I feel like I'm missing out on something and its bothering me more than it should. The scariest part of this entire tweet...3 retweets...3 people are so on board with this tweet they're willing to post it on their wall and visually display that they agree with this C U Next Tuesday. Mind bottling.

We're going to assume the 15 in your twitter handle is indicative of your age. In which case you live at home. And i know for a FACT that your dad would be fucking pissed if some skinny popstar dipshit egged his house. Just sitting there mumbling to himself as he hoses egg off his Toyota Corrolla about how he wanted to go on a vacation but your mother wanted to have kids and now his skank daughter thinks shes the cats pajamas because she prompted an egging of her own house. Congratulations, you're slowly killing your father.

Look at this one; decent grammar, proper punctuation, no excessive hashtagging or capitalization. Almost comes off as intelligent..and that is why it scares the shit out of me. This has serial killer Buffalo Bill style written all over it. This person has a Justice Beaver fuck doll in their basement made out of pubic hair and shotgun shells. Keeping all the 'non-beliebers' locked up in the basement. No thank you. 

Again with the caps locks. Please stop shouting. You're going to tell me the biggest pop star in the world has a pile of blow sitting in his living room and hes not snorting rails till he hears Al Pacino's broken cuban echoing in his head? Have you ever heard of musicians doing drugs? Keith Richards has snorted an amount of coke equivalent to the weight of Khloe Kardashian, but don't worry, the Biebs is different. Also, Jbiebsaholic? You love the Biebs so much its a phsyical addiction that is destroying your liver and making you pee in inappropriate closets and dressers? 

Excuse me while I throw myself out of the 10th floor of the hotel I'm in. 

100,000 dead fish surface in Lake in Nevada

Denver Post- SPARKS, Nev.—State wildlife officials are trying to figure out why all the fish have died in a northern Nevada marina where the stocked fishery has flourished since the man-made lake was created nearly 15 years ago.

As many as 100,000 trout, bass and catfish have died over the past month in the Sparks Marina along U.S. Interstate 80 east of Reno, apparently the result of a dramatic, unexplained drop in dissolved oxygen levels, Nevada Department of Wildlife spokesman Chris Healy said Wednesday.

Scientists say a bitter cold-snap could have caused oxygen-poor waters to rise from the old rock quarry's bottom to the surface, but they don't understand what sparked the massive die-off.

Fish biologists confirmed low oxygen levels caused the death of an estimated 3,000 fish in one corner of the lake in mid-December but Healy said they thought at the time the event was localized and of limited impact. Since then, they've been unable to detect any live fish in the 77-acre lake. Numerous dead fish have been removed from the lake's shoreline and Healy said it's likely the rest sank to the bottom.

"The 100,000 dead fish figure is something that is probably a pretty conservative guess," said Healy, who estimates they've stocked close to 1 million adult fish in the lake since they started in 1998.

So I'm an educated white boy, graduated with mechanical engineering, working as an electrical engineer. I've learned why these massive amount of fish die all at once and all of that garbage. So you'd assume I'd be a bit more tolerant/ understanding of the plight here....fuck no. I can tell you one thing for sure, the town of Sparks Nevada must fucking STINK. I mean next-day beer farts mixed with mayonnaise thats been sitting in the sun bad. Fish smell is downright offensive when its on ice and properly refridgerated. I couldn't begin to fathom the stink of 100,000 fish baking in the Nevada sun. I'm getting nauseous sitting here thinking about it. 

Amazing how different this is taken around the world. Guarantee you there are a bunch of pain in the ass environmentalists who legit probably cry over this 'epic loss of life.' Meanwhile in like Thailand/Vietnam area, a fisherman discovering this probably came in his pants so hard he fell over. Diff'rent strokes I suppose.

Tom Brady misses practice today due to 'undisclosed illness.'

Now I'm not saying that Tom Brady isn't sick. But no way in hell is Tom Brady sick. Not with anything serious anyway. This is either A.) ESPN hitting a Wednesday lull and need to make minuscule thing seem like a much bigger issue than it is. (Probably) or B.) Bilichick pulling more of his mind games bullshit to try to throw off the Broncos game plan. (far less likely.) Brady is probably feeling a little shitty and banged up and the Pats are being conservative and just giving him the day off. But you KNOW ESPN will have nothing short of 6 hours of coverage on this instead of covering real sports stories, like people dropping dead of heat stroke down in Australia. And that is the type of shit that ESPN pulls nowadays that makes their network damn near unwatchable. Not that I care about assholes trying to play tennis in 110 degree heat but they're so invested in pointless NFL soap opera drama they ignore other shit entirely. With that on top of all of their dickhead employees like Mike Greenberg and Skip Bayless who are going to break their necks if they fall from their high horses the network is tolerable for about 10 minutes a clip.

I was going to write a blog bashing the pats for pulling their stupid mind game bullshit and ended up ripping ESPN instead. Oh well. Fuck the pats anyway. Stupid dicks act like they're the perennial champs and havent won anything in a decade.

PS- If Tom Brady is actually sick, comes into Denver, beats the Broncos and ESPN proceeds to tout this as the next 'Jordan flu game' I will lose my goddamn mind and burn Bristol, CT to the ground.

Gang of Geriatric Koreans holding McDonald's seating hostage

New York Times-Shortly after New Year’s Day, Man Hyung Lee, 77, was nursing a coffee in his usual seat in a narrow booth at a McDonald’s in Flushing, Queens, when two police officers stepped into the fluorescent light of the restaurant. Mr. Lee said the officers had been called because he and his friends — a revolving group who shuffle into the McDonald’s on the corner of Parsons and Northern Boulevards on walkers, or with canes, in wheelchairs or with infirm steps, as early as 5 a.m. and often linger until well after dark — had, as they seem to do every day, long overstayed their welcome.

“They ordered us out,” Mr. Lee said from his seat in the same McDonald’s booth a week after the incident, beneath a sign that said customers have 20 minutes to finish their food. (He had already been there two hours.) “So I left,” he said.

“Then I walked around the block and came right back again.”

“Do you think you can drink a large coffee within 20 minutes?” David Choi, 77, said. “No, it’s impossible.”

First things first, check out the big balls on Hyung Lee! Safe to say North Korea is in the shape it is in today because it is void of the all the hard nosed pissy Koreans who wouldn't put up with Kim Jong Un's black out bullshit like Hyung. Loitering statutes are on par with Genocidal oppression right? Right.

Secondly, it makes no fucking sense that an international badass like Hyung is hanging out with this jabroni David Choi. Can't drink a large coffee in 20 minutes? Go kick rocks David; you're the only one who can't drink a large coffee in twenty minutes. Though I must say McDonald's coffee is on par with liquified baby shit, so maybe he is onto something.

Question for you that I've pondered forever, How in the world do people like these clearly unemployed Koreans afford to live in the most expensive city in the world? My friends live blocks from this in Queens, both have good jobs and make decent money and they're practically living on top of each other for an absolutely absurd amount of money. Meanwhile, these dickhead old folks have enough time in the day to get kicked out of a place that is guaranteed to have nothing but employees who don't give a fuck about their job.
Someone please explain, its making my head hurt.

link:http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/15/nyregion/fighting-a-mcdonalds-for-the-right-to-sit-and-sit-and-sit.html?hp&_r=0